Amor fati, ‘a love of one’s fate.’
When I heard this Latin term for the first-time a few years back, it evoked no emotions in me beyond mild intrigue. Fate, or ‘that b**** named karma’, as I knew it, was mostly a menacing or punishing concept. I could not think of any reason to fall in love with it.
Indeed, what I was ignorant of was that, while we can live life denying its existence, karma doesn’t ignore anyone. Karma is not personal. It graces each of us in its powerful embrace.
I did not know how to embrace or accept any unpleasant or challenging parts of life. I frequently shifted the blame to others when the going got tough. I adopted blaming or bypassing to cope with struggles. I assumed the role of the victim when things didn't go my way. I lashed out at those who I believed had hurt me. I certainly couldn’t just ‘be’ during tough times with open-heartedness. In the victim mode, I labeled myself a survivor, creating drama around life. Every obstacle became a cross to bear.
When I was tied up in this misery, not knowing where to go, fate intervened through Kavitha Amma, who taught me the dazzling beauty of Śrī in karma!
My Guru has been continuously guiding me through various twists and turns in life, illuminating life as neither to be escaped nor owned.
Why, how? Because I am not the doer. I can neither shirk responsibility nor live in foolish arrogance in the belief that I am the all-powerful one, making things happen around me. Blame has been tying me up in misery, life after life. That’s not how to embrace karma when it shows up at the doorstep of my awareness. It was time I took responsibility for my thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and actions and made changes, with the joyousness of surrender and humility. After all, Karma is the great doer in my life.
In the process of living life, we break, shatter, and regrow in numerous ways. For the light to enter, something has to break. Karma creates that gateway for light to enter. Karma is the light.
By Guru’s Grace, I am learning to see Karma as a divine blueprint, lovingly crafted for me. It gives me the opportunity, life after life, to free myself. It is neither burden nor bondage. It is neither reward nor punishment. It is the beauty of the Goddess: the puzzle handed to us to be decoded as we live—the path we can take to meet ourselves.
I place this learning at my Guru’s feet with the deepest gratitude to life, for allowing me to experience amor fati!
Image: baona/istockphoto
To explore this concept of karma further, please see Kavithaji’s blog on Karma, Transformation, and Equanimity.